no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
