Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
