The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
