I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
