I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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