Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
