I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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