So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize