He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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