Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Randomize
