i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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