I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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