So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
