who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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