lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Is this like a preordered booty call?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I want a musical about memes.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize