I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
