You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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