I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
