On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
