I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
we have officially lost it.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
