Just fell off a train. Bad.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
