If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I supernannyed him into submission
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
