So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
