Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
