Where did you get a picture of my penis
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
