Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
