I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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