I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
40s are totally the cure
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize