I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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