we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
