I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
