had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
