Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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