dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
