Cold hands, warm shart.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
No more Irish car bombs ever.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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