not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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