Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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