Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize