she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
