Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
