Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
