drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
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