I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
