Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
