bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
