We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
You ever have a fart follow you around?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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