worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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