i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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