Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize