Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
