She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize