Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
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