Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
