No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
