dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize