4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
