Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
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