um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
