Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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