Non-Jews are for practice
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
