so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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