so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
