if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
where are you?
Hypothermia
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
