I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
