it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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