Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
