I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
