Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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